I have come to grasp a little more that i am actually loved by the Lord. That fact alone, i am discovering, is worthy of building my life around.

It’s the ultimate hope because its the ultimate love, it turns evil into a mere measurement used to impress on us the sheer magnitude of it. It is the trump card to guilt, inadequacy, loneliness, and purposelessness.

It brings new meaning to that verse, Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guar d your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. God is so good! I am loved, and i can barely believe it. Sitting quiet in awe can be the only response for a talker like me.

Current State

I am working on a bunch of songs at the moment.

Soothe is my completed song out for sale.

Arnafia is totally finished yet i need to redo the whole thing. I did it with cakewalk, but i lost the file for it so i gotta redo it by ear. I actually really like the feel of that song.

Magnificent Struggle will end up being someewhat like Soothe in feeling. I am really looking forward to making progress on it If Soothe isn't a warring song this will be.

Prayer is one I'm trying to convey deep contentment with growing joy. I have a plan for this song and is only a matter of doing it. Though i think the plan could change near the end

Rock The name of this song will be upgraded to something meaningful as soon as something hits me. Right now its my only attemp at something jazzy, approching something like rock. I am somewhat stuck on this song.

Today i started a new song, I ascribed to it a fist to the keyboard. I was in a hurry to go somewhere and i had to save it fast. so far it just a single harp. I think it might be something almost celtic, which is somewhat appropiate seeing as i have scottish blood in me. I have no idea what im gonna call it yet.

I have a ton of ideas for songs on my keyboard at home. I'm going for a 12 song album. Awwww squeak...

Text

I was talking, on Facebook chat,  to a friend today who had never communicated with me through text. She had only known me face to face. It dawned on me that I have not dealt with the issue that it is much easier to read what i mean than hear what i say. A few years into high school, i was constantly on some chat room. I realized that people could get a basic understanding of who i really am without any of the complications of my condition. I loved it so much, it sorta felt like i had found a way around the "walker".

After time it became obvious that text was no substitution for face to face fellowship. God provided people who saw me for who i am through this disguise. I, now know chatting lacks whole dimensions of communication. Except it does offer the possible easy of communication the my physical state cannot seem to allow. In some ways it makes me sad and resent my disability for making everything harder. In other was it makes me feel very glad, that i do indeed have people who seek me out despite the effort it takes. 

Heres to the people who see through contorting skin. 

Heres to those with enough patients to drown apathy in love!

Heres to the people who learn God's lesson for the old, while still young.

I can learn a great deal from my fiends.

Canadian Musings

Ok, so i can't take a picture to save my life. I don't know why I even have a camara, but I am having a great time. My uncle let me borrow this scooter type thing and now i can go all over the place.  Our house is really quite central to almost anything i could need. The church is like two or three blocks away so is this ridiculously huge mall. Also the bank and grocery store are all really close too. So i can do stuff....

Also the renter who is also my best friend up here, Dan, works as a special ed teacher at a local high school. He and some others have started a ministry at our church for people with special needs. Most of them deal with a mental disability in some form or another. These people i have successfully avoided since fourth grade, and here i am in their group almost.The strangest thing is happening, i am seeing them differently. They are people too!

Today we started a new series at church in proverbs, about being wise. Being around these people made me realize how absolutely foolish my avoidance of them is. Dan has a friend who is a songwriter, and a particular song says, "I am not afraid to be misunderstood!" Turns out i'm petrified of being misunderstood, but now i'm thinking is there anything better to be mistaken for... the most innocent kind of human being alive!

Road Trip #1

Nathan and I are about to embark on a 4 hour road trip heading east into the middle of BC. My uncle has a place there right next to a very large lake, we hope to get in some good fishing in the next few days to come. Taking pictures is so unnatural for me, but i will make a conceted effort to take some. We are actually leaving right now, so i gotta go!

The foundation of all that is

God has given me an opportunity to talk about Him to some one the last few weeks. My goal was to simply tell them my understanding of my faith in the most logical way i could. I found myself floundering, I could not think of how to structure my statements without leaving room for a thousand whys. As i started answering the consecutive questions, i found myself going back to before the beginning of time. Thinking on the Trinity and their nature, or what i knew of their nature anyway. We know they have this perfect communion with each of the other members, and at some point they began everything. They began time, space and everything else, but why?

Why would the start something they know would hurt them so much for so long? I am convinced they decided to start this whole thing for the sake of love. The members of the Trinity perfectly loves one another and they decided to make more being who could partake in this love. Love is one of those big four letter words that require blood and sweat. Thus evil has its place, the appealing alternative. As a side note, evil cannot exist with out good while good existed for all eternity past without evil :D Anyway the point of everything is so that we as humans may love God to enter his perfect communion, or not. Evil, pain, and sin are reduced to mere pawns in the scope of eternity! Granted, God cares immensely about our lives and gives us direction. I just get a huge kick out of how small our once huge world gets when compared to the love of our eternal God!!!

The fear of the Lord

The prevailing meaning of the word fear is revere, that is the reverence of the Lord. In psalms when it say, "the fear o the Lord is beginning of all wisdom " is speaking of a reverence of the Lord

            To revere some one you must, at some level, hold some kind of fear fro what they can do. So what is it that God would do to us that should cause fear in us so we can properly revere him? I think there are  three categories everything can be filed into, pain, separation, and helplessness. For Christians, we are totally saved from separation as Jesus sealed us with his sacrifice. Pain, in this case, encompasses everything that causes pain, and whether you revere God or not he will surely allow pain in life. So it seems helplessness is the thing we should fear.

            We need the spirit to guide us and to encourage us, to strengthen us and to comfort us. Otherwise we fail in all aspects of life, whether it's apparent or not. We are totally incapable of maintaining a clear perspective of our purpose on our own. If we do not have communion with the Spirit, our hope will fade and our joy will wilt.

            We have help in this life, and without that we would live for not. That is why we can revere our helper, because we need Him! It seems just like God to set a scenario like this up. An all powerful God who could shred all reality into non existance at any moment, yet we need Him to help us tie our shoe...